January 19, 2017
How To Talk To Your Parents About Assisted Living in Michigan
Everyone needs help at one time or another, but if you are finding yourself sacrificing too much of your own time to help out at mom and dad’s, it might be time to consider talking to them about moving somewhere they will be near help, but able to remain independent. I do not know of anyone who was excited to have this conversation with their parents, but I do know many that have gone through it. There is never a good time to have this conversation with your aging parents and the sooner you realize that, the better off you will be, but if it really is time, here are some tips to help you get through what can be a very stressful situation.
Expect Resistance
Adults with any level of independence are not usually keen on leaving their home, especially if they are convinced they don’t need any help (except the assistance you happen to give them on a very regular basis). Especially for the baby boomer generation, it is going to be hard to leave the place they have called home for 30, 40, or more years. They raised you there, they have fond memories of family gathered around for the holidays, and some of their friends still live just down the street.
Resistance might also come from other family members – the ones who aren’t around for the everyday things like you are. They are always very quick to comment on the declining appearance of the house and let you know that they would do things differently – if they weren’t so busy or didn’t live so far away. Support from family members is its own issue, but for now, suffice it to say that not everyone will be onboard.
Be Prepared to Have the Conversation More Than Once
Depending on your parents’ health, mental condition, or resolve, you may need to have this conversation more than once. It might go awful the first time, better the next, and right back to awful again. Sometimes just planting the seed is enough to get them thinking about the possibility. A family friend slowly introduced the concept over a period of several months. This might seem like a really long time, but they knew that their mom would not agree to leaving her home easily. Her mother went back and forth, like most do, between being ok with moving and refusing to leave.
Have Information with You
Everyone handles change differently, but most people are afraid of going to an unfamiliar place and losing their independence. This is where having informational pamphlets with you can be helpful. Your parent will be able to see pictures of the facility and possibly an example calendar of activities they offer. The more you and your parents can learn about a potential facility the better. You wouldn’t move somewhere new without doing your research first and making sure you would be comfortable, would you?
Tour Possible Facilities Yourself First
No matter what they might say, you do know a lot about what your parents do and don’t like by now. When it comes to mom and dad leaving home, the place they go to should meet certain standards. The facility and the staff should be warm and inviting, your parents would probably appreciate a certain amount of privacy (some organizations offer an apartment-like setting where every resident is able to live in a studio or 1 bedroom setup), and there should be a variety of activities to participate in. The best tip I learned from a friend is to schedule a tour of the facility and go once or twice again when they are not expecting you. Checking out a place when they don’t know you’re coming can give you a good idea of the quality of care your parent will receive when you’re not there.
It Will All Work Out
No matter how many times you have to have the uncomfortable conversation, no matter how your parents (or other family members) take it, just remember that there is a reason you brought it up in the first place and everyone will be better off in the long run. Your parents will be well taken care of while retaining their independence and you will be less stressed and have more time to focus on your own home life. The Elder Care Firm team works with families just like yours every day, helping them with Estate Planning and considering the options when it comes to helping mom or dad. Join us at a free LifeCare Planning workshop to take the next step.